I wrote a poem for english, what do you think?

The flavored ice slips downs my throat, painting my lips and tongue with a blueish tint. My cheddar coated fingers slide across the gr, leaving a slight orange trail in it's wake. I peer into the sky, cupping my hands around my face to avoid the sun, but failing terribly. I close my eyes as the summer warmth overtakes me, it's breath teasing my face, my neck, my arms. I try to block out the indistinct chatter of my friends, the scraping of skateboards against pavement, the squeals of young children. The noises start to fade away; the breeze, the feel of the gr surrounding me, the sun becoming all of me. I'm entering a state of bliss, of peace, when I feel smooth fingers intertwine with mine. I'm brought back to reality. The barrier between calm and chaotic successfully broken as I'm gently pulled into his arms. The chatter becomes louder, more distinct. The skateboards hit the ground more soundly, creating a clatter. The children's squeals become more discernible. My vision returns to it's sharp normality, the edges of the trees in the distance are now sharply portrayed against the bright blue sky. I'm back